Elizabeth's name has been changed.Although I have a close and very supportive family I feel isolated, dislocated and displaced, a draining of energy and lack of motivation - there is no one to do anything for and I wonder sometimes, am I just being lazy?
For the first time I think I have understood why people self harm, why they will do anything to take away the intense inner pain. I feel I have lost all sense of purpose and am no longer needed.
It is at Christmas that I feel most displaced; I have no role in the festivities. I am not even the beggar at the feast.
Is this self pity?On the other hand, I want to feel my husband would have been proud of me still. I take pride in not being a 'poor soul' and say 'Yes' to everything that will keep me connected.
- 56 years ago